I knew what He wanted; He wanted the very thing that I was not willing to give up. It took me two weeks to finally open up my Bible I had brought with me out there and begin reading it. After several phone calls with a close friend who was also my mentor and pastor, I finally decided to give what she was telling me to do a shot.
I began reading the story of Jacob in the Old Testament, a story I have read before. Yet this time I found so much more from Jacobs life than I had in the past. I was in my most vulnerable place, both emotionally and physically at this time of treatment. I was still adjusting, still trying my hardest to pour my heart out to the therapists and the good friends I had made out there. But the further I got into Jacobs story, I began seeing glimpses of my own life.
I saw that exact pattern in my life with addictions. I never faced my self-harm addictions that when I thought I was getting past it, new addictions like alcohol abuse and of course anorexia came into my life in a whirlwind. I wound up in a treatment center, being stripped of all my vices. When I was most vulnerable there I tried to simply call out to God, asking for His help, and honestly not expecting an answer. Activate map. Add review Add photo Save to Contacts Report error.
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Near this location:. Remuda Ranch. Aspire Kids Sports Center. The Met at Fashion Center. Ethan Allen. In House. Add review No registration required. Jessica r. It was my third and most serious attempt at treatment, and I would call it a success. My mom even pointed out the fact that I weigh too little to activate the passenger airbag light in the car. ED says this is something to be proud of, but all I feel is shame. I hope that going to Remuda will help me move past my irrational fears, that I may recover once and for all.
I want to let go of ED and rediscover Lauren. I will find her. I will find myself. It allows me to arrange my goals in a visual format and makes them seem more approachable. I have to try to achieve them; if not for me, then for my family. Immediately after I shut my journal last night, my mother and I had a wonderful conversation. She told me how proud she was that I was choosing to get help and that she hopes I will be able to inspire and support some of the younger girls at Remuda who are struggling.
She respects me for making that choice and knows it is the proper—really fundamental—step towards finding a solution. Not many people could be so strong and determined, especially when it comes to food.
Be proud. The idea that I could really be near death terrified the rational side of my mind. Last night Mom also spoke of trust, told me to trust her, to have faith in the professionals who will be handling my treatment. The first part of the day was relaxing and fun. I looked at my toenails, realized they were truly ragged.
Potentially dangerous items, from razor blades to bobby pins, are kept under strict lock-and-key at Remuda. We stopped at a coffee shop for breakfast, where my aunt ordered a latte and a turkey- cheese croissant. Even imagining myself drinking so many calories of pure sugar is just disgusting. While we were at the coffee shop, my aunt shared some of her experiences with mental and physical illness.
I will say, though, that I appreciated her honesty and supportive words. I chose a deep plum-colored polish, humorously called Eiffel in Love. My mom got a Vitamin Water. Once back on the road, we just chatted, the conversation not as heavy as I feared it might be.
After about forty-five minutes, we arrived, and the location is a different one from where I stayed six years ago. So many things have changed here. After all the papers were signed and my luggage unloaded from the car, it was time for me to say goodbye to my mom. We hugged, Mom teared up a little, and I tried not to show my fear.
Once again, she told me how proud she was of me. I miss her already. Probably not for a few weeks. At this time I also met the two other girls, who, it turns out, are the only adolescents besides me all patient names have been changed for confidentiality purposes. One of them is my age, and the other is thirteen. They are named Violet and Stacy, respectively, and are both very kind and friendly. In fact, the first time Violet spoke to me was to compliment me on my outfit! I continued to remind myself of this, and I was able to eat all of my dinner: half of a Belgian waffle, strawberries with whipped topping, and a glass of Resource a liquid nutritional supplement akin to Boost or Ensure.
I know this seems like a bizarre dinner. By tomorrow, my meal plan should be properly adjusted to fit my dietary needs. I actually remember Candy from my last stay at Remuda, six years ago.
Just being honest. Welcome to the world of Remuda Ranch, where the normally simple act of eating is considered to be a nearly superhuman feat. After dinner, I was supposed to take some kind of psych evaluation test, but there was a mistake with the input of my information, so it will have to wait until tomorrow.
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